Stop Analyzing the Results of Promptings from the Holy Ghost

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In relief society today our lesson was about the Holy Ghost and promptings. I had a few thoughts that I wanted to record...

I have heard several times before that if something inspires us to do good then it is of God, and therefore is a prompting, right? Well, I feel like sometimes it is easy to second guess if something is really a promoting or not, even if it is to do good. Because it is hard to know if the person that we are serving (or sharing something with) will receive it in a positive way. 

But the more that I learn from Jody (my life coach) about how what someone else thinks isn't really any of my business, it makes me think that I shouldn't be so focused on the result (what I perceive the result to be before I have even acted on the prompting and/or the actual (usually immediate) result after I act on the prompting.) Because the fact of the matter is that I may be prompted to do or say something but the beneficiary of my service (or sharing of ideas/thoughts) may not receive it in a positive way. That shouldn't change the fact that I received the prompting. That shouldn't make me question whether it was indeed a prompting or not. Because the beneficiary has their own agency and their own thoughts. Maybe they aren't ready to accept the service or sharing that I gave them. Maybe it is one of those instances where the Lord prepares for things in advance and what I did or said might sink in and help that person at a later time. 

So basically, I shouldn't get hung up on the result of following a prompting. One, the immediate result might not appear to be all that positive, don't let that make me question if it was a prompting or not. The way that the beneficiary reacts to my service or sharing is none of my business. And two, the real intended result might be off in the distant future.

This reminds me of something that Elder Ronald A. Rasband shared in his General Conference talk a couple weeks ago...

"Remember the words of Nephi. “I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do. Nevertheless,” he said, “I went forth.” 

And so must we. We must be confident in our first promptings. Sometimes we rationalize; we wonder if we are feeling a spiritual impression or if it is just our own thoughts. When we begin to second-guess, even third-guess, our feelings—and we all have—we are dismissing the Spirit; we are questioning divine counsel. The Prophet Joseph Smith taught that if you will listen to the first promptings, you will get it right nine times out of ten."

Finding Balance: Self-Care and Connection

Something that I have been discovering more about lately is the importance of balance.  I'm planning to write a handful of posts (3 at least) about finding balance in some areas of my life.  

The first one that I'd like to write about is finding balance with self-care and connection.  I had some ah ha moments with this particular balancing act a couple of months ago.  I was taking a class online called Wife for Life University.  At some point, I will probably write an entire post about this class and how great it is, but for now, you'll just have to check it out yourself if you are interested.  The class is run by Ramona Zabriskie, the author of the book, Wife for Life.  

Something that Ramona talks about in the book (and class) is what she refers to as Romancing your own Heart.  Basically, this comes down to making sure that you are taking care of yourself and not expecting other people (especially your husband) to fill up your entire love tank.  People, and women especially, have a hole in their love tanks.  It is always leaking.  When we get love, affirmation, affection, etc,  we just want more, more, more.  It's never enough.  That's a lot of responsibility to put on someone else (especially our husbands), to always keep us feeling happy and loved.  So, instead, we can take care of ourselves, through what Ramona calls Delights. 

Delights are just little things that bring you joy.  Watching a sunset, reading a book, painting your nails, going for a bike ride, playing the piano, watching a movie, taking a bath, etc.  The list goes on, and on, and it's a little bit different for everyone.  You can read more about delights here. 

Basically, the delights come down to taking care of ourselves.  It's important to take care of ourselves so that we have something to give to others.  It's hard to give from an empty tank.  

Throughout my 7 years of mothering, I have heard about this concept of self-care many, many times.  I often hear (or read about at least) a lot of moms say that they have a problem with doing things for themselves and/or they don't feel like they are supposed to, or that they don't deserve it. Or they just hide behind the excuse of being too busy.  They feel like they are just supposed to give everything they have to their family and that it's selfish of them to take time out for themselves. 

This hasn't been my personal experience though.  I haven't ever really felt this way. I know how important it is for me to pursue my own dreams (big and small) and I definitely make time for myself everyday. I know that in the afternoons, I really need downtime for myself.  Ever since my oldest was a baby, I have been in the routine of having time to myself during nap time in the afternoon.  My sanity needs it.  

So whenever I would read articles about how important self-care is as a mom (and for everyone for that matter,) I was kind of conflicted inside.  On one hand, I would nod my head and think "yeah!  Taking care of myself and having time for myself is so important.  I get grumpy without it."  But on the other hand, I would feel confused and think "but, I take time for myself at least once a day for a couple of hours...and I still feel grumpy (sometimes a little, sometimes a lot.)  Why?  Shouldn't self- care be solving this for me?"  

And this is where my "ah ha" moment came in.  During one of my Wife for Life classes, the one where Ramona was teaching us about delights, she said "Choose a delight that is the opposite of what is wearing you out."  That really stuck out to me.  I think that for me, I have to reign in this "me time" instead of make room for it (ok, in some areas, I do need to make room for it, like recognizing when I am running low and giving myself a quick time out to calm down and regain control of my brain, but in general, I have enough alone time.) I appreciated the part in the book, where Ramona said:

"Delighting your own heart relieves everyone in the family from the impossible responsibility of making or keeping you happy from day to day. It frees your heart to spend less energy on those you love. Dazzling your heart can bring you joy and thrill your family as well - as long as you don't take on too much and neglect them in the process. Do not go overboard: romancing your own heart is not a license to become selfish and insensitive. I remember an actress friend who came to me, not really for advice but for validation. Her conscience was pricked because she saw her husband and children minutes a day at best, and regularly spent weeks or even months away on location. "I know I'm a better wife and mother," she said of her self- indulgence, "because I'm doing what I love." 

Her husband and children did not agree. 

To make sure you do not slip into Irreleva or Betraya territory while taking the Pioneer Woman Challenge, ask yourself as honestly as possible and as frequently as necessary, "Is this challenge helping me to respond to my family with love, generosity, and intelligence? Or am I still reacting to situations because I feel more stressed than ever? Just as romancing your own heart can help you become a pioneer woman, its counterfeit, self-indulgence, brings out the Crazy Ladies.

You can avoid such self-deception by pursuing your passions in a measured, patient, inclusive way. Draw your husband and children (as much as possible and as much as they are interested) into your passions. Prioritize their well-being over that of everyone else in the world so they never have to question your why, your availability, or your love. Give their passions just as much enthusiasm as you give yours. If you can do that while you romance your own heart, then:  

• You will feel better and better about yourself, stronger and stronger at heart.
• Your mental, emotional, and spiritual self-reliance will increase so that disillusionment cannot get a foothold, either in early marriage or in mid-life, when many women discover they have given to the point of exhaustion.
• Confidence in and satisfaction with yourself will undergird all your relationships, especially your marriage. You will have more love to give.
• Romance and reality can merge into a union of heart and mind. Because you have more patience, you won't be offended so easily, you'll forgive more readily, and you will have more fun and more romance."

This was the answer that I had been seeking when I was internally confused about the importance of self-care. Self-care is not an excuse to be self-indulgent.  When we are self-indulgent, our relationships suffer and that can make us feel just as grumpy and unsettled as neglecting self-care can.  

So this brings me back to the advice that Ramona gave: Choose a delight that is the opposite of what is wearing you out.  

For example, if I have been giving a lot of myself to the kids and they are wearing me out, then I could choose to have some alone time to recharge; if I have been on the computer a lot, then I could choose to go step outside or something; if I have been running a strict schedule, then I could choose to be spontaneous; if I have been by myself (alone time) and feel grumpy when I come back to mothering, then I could choose to do something fun with the kids to reconnect with them; etc.

This point about the delights really stood out to me. In fact, when I got done with my Wife for Life class that morning, something happened with my 4 year old and I found that I was easily irritated with him and couldn't manage my or his emotions. I had the thought "you've been spending too much time on your own pursuits today (because I had just spent the last couple hours on my class.) Go do something little with the kids that will help you feel like a good mom." So I decided to read a couple of books to them before nap time. It wasn't a big thing, but it helped me to feel better. And the kids felt happier too.

During nap time that day, I was just working on the computer and I noticed that it was really warm outside (for February at least.) I hadn't been outside all day (since taking my oldest to school in the morning,) but I saw on the weather app that it was 55 degrees! My 2 1/2 year old daughter is always begging to go to the park (one with swings,) but it had been too cold.  At first, I thought "maybe I'll take the kids to the park after I pick up my son up from school." But I knew that it would probably start cooling off a bit by then, and then it's time to make dinner...

And then I had the idea, "hey! why not be spontaneous! It's 2:00, I still have a little over an hour until I need to pick up my son from school. This would be a good delight for me, especially since I didn't spend much time with the kids this morning because I was doing my class." So I decided to wake my baby up from her nap (broke the mom rule of never wake a sleeping baby. haha.), threw all of the kids in the van (My 2 year old wasn't really napping anyway), and I told my daughter that I had a surprise for her. She was so excited when we got to the park. We went to the swing set and stayed there for the entire 45 minutes.  I just pushed her in the baby swing and my son in the big green chair swing. I also did some swinging myself. :) It was a fun "delight." Sometimes I really enjoy stepping out of the regular schedule of my life (even though I definitely thrive on my schedule) and do something fun and out of the norm. Plus, it was fun to see how happy the kids were to get out of the house and get to enjoy the swings. I really enjoyed getting some fresh air as well. :)

I definitely know that I have room for growth in this area. I want to take care of myself, but I don't want to be self-indulgent. I also like the idea of drawing my husband and kids into my passions. I want to come up with more delights that involve them. Just little things that will boost me up and give me that shot of energy and joy, but also strengthen my relationship with my husband and with my kids.

Choosing something that is the opposite of what has been wearing me out (or that I have been indulging in) can help me to have more balance.  I can nurture myself through self-care, and also nurture my relationships through connection.  I think having that balance is really what helps to keep the grumps under control.  

3...2...1... Blast off into Cyberspace

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

I started this blog a few months ago, but after writing one post (and later coping a couple other posts over from my journal), I kind of forgot about it. I guess the timing wasn't right. But now I am feeling the push to write more and to put my thoughts out there for people to read. 

I recently enrolled in a program called the Be Bold Membership. It is a program that a Life Coach, Jody Moore put together. I have been listening to Jody's podcast off and on for the past few months but hadn't heard about her Be Bold Membership until a couple weeks ago. When I heard about it, I felt really drawn to enroll in it. So I did. :) I am really loving it so far. Having a life coach, learning awesome skills, being part of a personal growth community - this is my jam. :) 

I just watched the recording of a class that she did for the membership community a couple months ago. It was about Creation and Consumption. I also listened to her podcast on the same subject. It gave me some things to think about. It made me realize that I need to find more balance in my life when it comes to creation and consumption. I love to consume... lots of things, but mostly information. I love to learn, especially things that pertain to my personal growth - as a wife, as a mom, and as a person in general. Consumption isn't bad. But if I'm only consuming and not creating, then that's not good. I know that I don't only consume, and I do create, but a lot of my creations don't leave the walls of my own home. Which I think is good and fine to a certain extent. But I also know that I am a unique individual. No one is exactly like me. I have something unique to contribute to the world. I need to create and contribute. 

So that's what I'm going to try to do with this blog. I'm going to try to make it a space where I can share my thoughts and journey of my life. If you know me personally, then you know that I have a lot of thoughts going on in my head. So this blog will probably be evidence of that. I'm not going to force myself to stay within any certain subject matter. This is just going to be a hodgepodge of things that I'm learning and how I am applying them to my life. Another thing, that you definitely know if you know me personally, is that I am long winded. I am detailed. And you know what? I'm not going to apologize for that. Haha. I know that I could improve in my writing skills, but I'm not going to worry about that too much. I'm just going to write. 

I also feel like this will be kind of fun because I love to share the things that I am learning, but I don't always feel like the people that I share it with are all that interested, or I feel like I am being "passionately pushy." I would like to have a space to share where I can just give my thoughts and don't have to feel like I am pushing them on anyone. 

Putting myself out into the big world of cyberspace is kind of scary for me. I am human and have to battle feelings like "what if someone actually reads this?" "I don't even know what I'm talking about, am I even qualified to write something like this?" "what if someone doesn't like what I share?" One thing that I appreciated that Jody has said though is that "I'm not for everyone." Not everyone is going to agree with me, or like me. That's ok. I'm not writing to them. They are not my audience. So I'll do my best to just ignore those people and keep writing so that I can share with the people that actually want to hear what I have to say. And even if no one reads this, or if no one cares about what I have to say, that's ok. I am writing this for myself as well. I am writing these things so that I can record my own personal journey. 

Here are a few things that you can probably expect me to share on here...

-I am going to write up some "essays" of life lessons that I've learned (this learning process is always ongoing). I have been wanting to write these anyway, to include in Volume 2 of my Personal History. (I compiled and printed Volume 1 about my childhood/young adult years back in 2011.) Something that I feel has been a big part of this decade of my life (at least these first 6 years of it) is personal growth. I have learned so much about myself and helpful tools/mindsets over these past few years. I really want to write some "essays" about the life lessons that I have learned and grown from. I want to include these essays in volume 2 of my personal history. 

-I will be recording my process and experience with learning, first for myself, and then being able to teach those skills to my kids. 

-Random thoughts that I have about life.

-Anything else that I feel like sharing. :)

Sacrament Meeting Talk: Sharing the Fruit Through the Generations

Sharing the Fruit Through the Generations

In Lehi's vision of the tree of life, he came to the tree and partook of the fruit.  He said that it was sweeter than any other fruit that he had ever tasted before.  It was also whiter than any other fruit that he had ever seen.  When he ate the fruit, his soul was filled with exceedingly great joy.  And what was the first thing that crossed his mind when he felt that joy? He had a strong desire that his family should partake of the fruit as well.  He knew that it was desirable above all other fruit.  

We know that this fruit represents the love of God.  It represents the gospel and the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  Lehi didn't want to keep this fruit all to himself.  He wanted to share that joy with his family.  He wanted them to taste of the fruit for themselves.  

There is a painting by Annie Henrie Nader called Turning the Hearts.  I was introduced to this painting through a talk by Sister Rosemary M. Wixom.  I don't have a copy of this painting, so I'll just try to describe it the best I can.  Picture a tree with a large trunk and branches that extend outward, like a big shade tree that you would long to sit under on a hot, sunny day.  The tree is glowing with hundreds of little round pieces of fruit.  There are several people, gathered around the tree and they are picking the fruit and sharing it with those around them.

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About her painting, Annie said “As we experience the joys of the gospel, we turn our hearts not only to the individuals around us, but to our ancestors who have gone before. Within this painting, we might see ourselves passing priceless fruit down from the luminous tree. The tree is symbolic in several ways: It represents the tree of life and the fruits of the gospel. It also represents a family tree with journal excerpts and records of those who have passed on. The fruit embodies those precious pieces of information we pass down through our generations.”

I want to focus on this concept of sharing the fruit, The fruit, being God's love, particularly when it comes to Family History and Temple Work.  I am going to focus on 3 aspects.  The first is how we share the fruit with our ancestors.  The second is how our ancestors share the fruit with us.  And the third is how we can share the fruit with our posterity.   

First, How can we share the fruit with our ancestors?

Heavenly Father loves all of His children.  That includes everyone that has ever lived, everyone that is living now, and everyone that will live in the future.  And because He loves us, He wants all of his children to return to live with Him.  We know that the ability to live with Heavenly Father rests on the gospel of Jesus Christ – this includes receiving our ordinances and keeping our covenants.  

Unfortunately, there have been many people that have died without a knowledge of the gospel.  They have been unable to make and keep covenants.  This looks like it would disqualify them from the blessing of eternal life.  But, because Heavenly Father loves them, just as much as he loves us, he has provided a way for them to still receive the necessary ordinances of salvation.  These ordinances are provided through Temple work for the dead.  I love that the temple is a place that links and strengthens families and the individuals within those families – and this applies to both the living and deceased family members.

When we take family names to the temple, we are helping our ancestors. They need us to perform that sacred and vital work for them.  Without us, they are unable to attain eternal life.  They are dependent on us.  Through proxy temple work, we help them to receive their ordinances, and in that process, we are sharing the fruit with our ancestors.

I'd like to share an experience that I have had with doing family history.  I was born in the church and I come from several generations of faithful members.  Some of these family members have done a lot of family history work.  Because of this, whenever I had looked at my family tree before, I saw that it was all filled out.  Everything was done...or so I thought.  

About 6 months ago, I was sitting in Relief Society when Sally Jenks got up to talk about family history.  She was a family history consultant and wanted everyone to know that she was willing to help any of us that wanted to work on our family history.  I felt a strong desire to take her up on her offer.  I thought that maybe she could help me find at least one person, even though it seemed like all the work had been done.  

So on a Tuesday night in early September, I met with Sally in her home.  I had given Sally access to my Family Tree a few days before so that she could look ahead and see what we might be able to work on.  When I showed up at her house, she said that she had some leads of individuals that we could look for – some of my distant cousins were missing their spouses and children.  She had written down a particular ancestor's name, but when we went to that person's profile, we hit a dead end.  The record hint that she had seen previously wasn't showing up for some reason.  So we moved on to the next name that she had written down.  Again, the same thing happened.  The record hint was gone.  So instead, we just clicked on one of the siblings who was also missing her spouse.  Jane Elizabeth Clayton.  I instantly felt a connection to Jane, but I didn't recognize why at first.  Within the hour that I was at Sally's house, she was able to teach me how to use record hints, search for records, and how to navigate the FamilySearch site.  We were also able to find Jane's husband, Alfred Evans.  Both Jane and Alfred had already had their temple work done – everything except their sealing to each other, and to their children that I didn't know about yet.  I left Sally's house feeling excited that we had found someone and that I had the names of a couple to take to the temple to be sealed.  

When I got home, I started to understand why I felt so connected to Jane.  You see, when I was pregnant with both of my girls, and also when I was pregnant with our second son (but didn't know yet that he was a boy,) we loved the name, Jane.  It was one of the names at the top of our list. Even though we both love the name, it never made the cut because we like to name our kids after family members or close friends and even though I had heard that I was related to a few women named Jane, they were farther back in my family line and I didn't feel any real connection to them.

So it was really neat that the first person that I found to do temple work for was Jane. I started to think that maybe that's why I have felt so connected to that name.  Maybe Jane was calling out to me, wanting me to find her.  Maybe she was saying “I need your help.  Please help me to be reunited with my family.  I can't do it without you.”

Over the next couple weeks, I was able to find Jane and Alfred's kids.  I found 11 of their 12 children.  I know that they have 12 children because that number was listed on a census record.  I'm still searching for that last child and I look forward to the day when I find him/her.  A few weeks after discovering Jane and Alfred, Jershon and I were able to take their names to the temple.  We knelt at the alter and served as proxies while they were sealed to each other.  It was a special and spiritual experience. I am still working on completing the temple work for their children, but we've already been able to have several of them sealed to Jane and Alfred.  Those were special experiences as well.  

Finding Jane sparked a desire in me to really dive deeper into doing my family history and searching for my ancestors that need temple work done.  As I spent more time searching, I realized that my initial view of my family tree – that it was all complete and there was nothing left to do – couldn't have been further from the truth.  In reality, there is still a ton of work to do.  I have continued to work on Family History and have found several other ancestors.  They are keeping me busy with all their temple work that needs to be done.

So now that we know how we can share the fruit with our ancestors, lets move on to how our ancestors share the fruit with us.  

When we go to the temple, it isn't a one sided service.  Our ancestors are helping us as well. Taking their names and spending that time in the temple provides great blessings for us.  We are strengthened through our temple experiences and we learn eternal truths.  The temple helps to fortify us against Satan.  Doing this work for our ancestors helps us to be in the temple more often.  And spending more time in the temple helps us to better keep our covenants.  Our temple experience is also richer and deeper when we do the ordinances for our own family members.   In his talk titled, The Joy of Redeeming the Dead, Richard G. Scott said: “Any work you do in the temple is time well spent, but receiving ordinances vicariously for one of your own ancestors will make the time in the temple more sacred, and even greater blessings will be received.”

In this process, our ancestors are sharing the fruit with us.   

Another way that our ancestors share the fruit with us is through their life stories.  Have you ever thought about how powerful stories are?  In a book that I am reading, titled Take Your Time, the author says “Wisdom has always been conveyed through stories.  Stories are what we remember; they wrap ideals and values in images that stay with us all our lives.  Great spiritual teachers consistently teach first by story and parable; explanations are dry by comparison.”

Finding the names of our ancestors so we can take them to the temple is very important.  But it is also important to discover the stories behind those names.  Those names belong to real people.  And those real people had real lives full of real experiences, real adventures, real faith, real fears, real challenges, and real triumphs.  If stories, in general, are great teachers, then I would say that the real stories from our real family members would be even greater teachers for us in our lives.  

In her talk at the 2016 Family Discovery Day at RootsTech, Rosemary M. Wixom said “The veil is thin, and when we know about those who have gone before, they become real people with real-life situations who help us in times of need—especially when the wind is blowing. ...How do we make our ancestors real? We tell their stories. Too much courage, faith, and real-life challenges have gone into their lives for us to let their examples dissolve like faded ink on paper.”

I know that we will be strengthened as we learn from the stories of our ancestors, and this includes our parents and grandparents. Their real life examples and experiences will help us in times of need.  A great resource for stories from your own ancestors can be found on FamilySearch through the App called “All the Stories.”  It pulls all of the stories that have been uploaded to your family tree, into one place.

Through their real life stories, our ancestors share the fruit with us.  

A third way that our ancestors can share the fruit with us is through providing angelic assistance.  

At a BYU Women's Conference, Wendy Watson Nelson gave an amazing talk titled “My Soul Delighteth in the Covenants of the Lord.”  In this talk, she spoke about the privilege of being able to ask for the help of angels.  I love how she describes this so I'm just going to read her words.  

“As we keep our covenants, we can ask for angels to help us. Literally!

It was during Elder Jeffrey R. Holland’s April 2010 general conference talk that I first learned this truth. He said, “Ask for angels to help you.” He said it with such clarity, and yet in a manner that implied this was something we all knew. But for me it was an entirely new principle. I wanted to call out, “Wait! Wait! What? You mean I could have been asking for angels to help me all this time?”

Without intending to sound too dramatic, I can say with all candor that Elder Holland’s six words changed my life. “Ask for angels to help you.” That counsel changed my prayers, changed my understanding of the very real help from heaven that is always available to us as we keep our covenants.

I started to ask for assistance from those on the other side of the veil from that moment on. Now I’m not talking about praying for fantasy angels with wings to magically fairy-dust our problems away. I’m not talking about praying to angels. I’m talking about praying to your Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, for those on the other side to be “dispatched” (Elder Holland’s word) to assist you. Perhaps a loved one or two could be sent to help you with whatever you need.

Can you imagine the effort it took those angels who pushed from the rear of handcarts as they helped the pioneers over the steep, snowy, windy, freezing, jagged terrain of Rocky Ridge? If angels can manage that, they can certainly help you and me over our present Rocky Ridges. We know the Lord gets His work done with the help of His angels. So could you use a little more help in your life? If so, keep your covenants with more exactness than ever before. And then ask for angels to help you with whatever you need. Or ask for them to be dispatched to help those you love.”

Just like Sister Nelson, I too have had a life changing experience with these six words “Ask for angels to help you.”  

For several years, I struggled with driving.  I would drive if I had to, and sometimes (rarely) if I wanted to, but mostly I just avoided it. My confidence level would wax and wane over time.  At times, it was pretty good, but usually I felt trapped by my fears and they felt paralyzing. I know that to some people, this fear/weakness doesn't sound like that big of a deal. But to me, it was. I hated feeling "broken" and like I should be comfortable doing this, because "hello! I'm an adult! Adults drive! And it isn't any big deal for them." I also felt like it held me back from being able to be the wife, mom, and friend that I wanted to be.

About a year and a half ago, I learned this principle about asking for angels to help me. I started praying (especially before and during driving) that angels would attend me and they would literally help me to drive with courage and confidence. I didn't have any profound experiences or visions or anything, but I could feel that angels were truly there helping me. I could tell because I felt a calmness and peacefulness in the driver's seat that I knew wasn't coming from myself.  

Something clicked inside me. I started facing my fears with more determination than I had been able to muster in the past. I was able to make more progress, more quickly, with driving than I had ever been able to in the past. I started to see some light at the end of the tunnel.  Fast forward to 18 months later, it is like a night and day difference.  I can now drive with a lot more internal peace. I no longer feel paralyzed.  The progress that I have made has been so freeing.    

I have no doubt that those angels that came to help me in my time of need were some of my ancestors.  I wouldn't be surprised if Jane was there, holding onto the steering wheel with me and telling me “You are strong.  You can do this.  Just have faith and don't give into your fears.”  I am sure that other ancestors, and probably some members of my posterity were there helping me as well.  I look forward to meeting them someday and thanking them for helping me to face my paralyzing fears.  They truly changed my life.

Through providing angelic help in times of need, our ancestors share the fruit with us.  

So now that we know how we can share the fruit with our ancestors and how they share the fruit with us, lets talk about how we can share the fruit with our posterity.  

To me, this comes back to the power of stories and telling those stories to our children, grandchildren, and future generations.  We can continue to pass down the stories from our ancestors' lives.  We can also share the stories from our own lives.  It is important to share these stories with our posterity while we are still living.  And I feel like it is just as important to record these stories for future generations.  I am a big believer in record keeping.  If we don't share and record our experiences of faith, challenge, and triumph, then these stories will just die along with us.  

Let's share the fruit by sharing and recording our own life stories.  

I hope that I have been able to inspire you to dive deeper into your own family history experience and to do your part, both in sharing the fruit, and also in partaking of the fruit that is being offered to you by your ancestors.  

I want to conclude with a quote by Wendy Watson Nelson.  This quote comes from the RootsTech Family Discovery Day presentation that she and  Elder Nelson gave last month.  

“It is my testimony that however fabulous your life is right now, or however discouraging and heartbreaking it may be, your involvement in family history and temple work will make it better. What do you need in your life right now? More love? More joy? More self-mastery? More peace? More meaningful moments? More of a feeling that you're making a difference? More fun? Could you use more answers to your soul-searching questions? More heart-to-heart connections with others? More understanding of what you are reading in the scriptures? More ability to love and to forgive? How about more ability to pray with power? More inspiration and creative ideas for your work and other projects? More time for what really matters?

My dear brothers and sisters, I entreat you to make a sacrifice of time to the Lord by increasing the time you spend doing temple and family history work, and then watch what happens. It is my testimony that when we show the Lord we are serious about helping our ancestors, the heavens will open and we will receive all that we need.”

I don't know about you, but to me that sounds like a very empowering and exciting promise.  I would like to add my testimony to Sister Nelson's.  I know that Heavenly Father organized us into families for a special purpose.  I know that through sharing the fruit with our family members – both the living and the dead, and partaking of the fruit that is being offered to us, we can help to bring to pass Heavenly Father's work and glory – the immortality and eternal life of all mankind.  I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.  

Resources:

1. The Joy of Redeeming the Dead, Richard G. Scott, October 2012, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/the-joy-of-redeeming-the-dead?lang=eng

2. Take Your Time: The Wisdom of Slowing Down, Eknath Easwaran, pg. 17

3. RootsTech Family Discovery Day 2016, Sister Rosemary M. Wixsom, https://www.lds.org/topics/family-history/familydiscoveryday/wixom?lang=eng&old=true

4. RootsTech Family Discovery Day 2017, President Russell M. Nelson and Sister Wendy Nelson, https://www.lds.org/topics/family-history/familydiscoveryday/nelson?lang=eng&old=true

   

The Scriptures Point Us to Our Covenants

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Yesterday during Sunday School, we were talking about the name of the church and also about why people outside the church call us Mormons. ... because of the Book of Mormon. And then I started thinking "I wonder why it's called the Book of Mormon?" I mean, I know that Mormon abridged and compiled everything, but he didn't write the whole thing. And the other books of scripture aren't named after anyone specifically. But then I started thinking "hmm... maybe the name "Mormon" means something significant." 

And then I remembered about the waters of Mormon and how lots of people were baptized there and they remembered that place with fondness and reverence because it was the place where they made covenants. So maybe the title of the Book of Mormon is supposed to remind us of our covenants. The Old Testament and New Testament titles point to covenants. Testament actually refers to covenants, right? And the Doctrine and Covenants title points to covenants. And even the Pearl of Great Price title is referring to covenants. So it makes sense to me that the title of The Book of Mormon would be referring to our covenants as well. 

Well... I googled it to see if I could find anything, and this is what I found...

THE MEANING OF THE NAME “MORMON”
By David Lamb
Source: “Articles from the Zarahemla Record”; Zarahemla Research Foundation 

Tradition has taught us over many years that the Book of Mormon was so named for Mormon, the main abridger. While this is a logical assumption, it does raise an interesting question. Why would God’s holy word be named after a man? The Holy Scriptures were not named after any one author nor was the Doctrine and Covenants called the “Book of Joseph Smith.” Why then would the Book of Mormon be the exception to the rule and bear the name of a man? 

In Mormon 1:5 Mormon identifies his lineage. He states that he is a descendant of Nephi and that his father’s name was Mormon. However, he does not state that he was named after his father and this should not be assumed. In fact, he tells us in Third Nephi 5:12 that he was not named after his father, but rather he was named after the land in which a great event took place—the restoration of Christ’s covenant people, Christ’s church. 

“And behold, I am called Mormon, being called after the land of Mormon, 

The land in the which Alma did establish the church among this people: 

Yea, the first church which was established among them after their transgression.” 

Mormon was not named after his father; he was named after the land of Mormon. He had been taught about his heritage by his parents and understood the sacred significance associated with the name Mormon. No doubt his father also bore the name Mormon for the same reason. In Third Nephi 5:12 he gives us a clear indication that the name Mormon is symbolically synonymous with the restoration of the covenant which took place in the land of Mormon by Alma and his people. 

A study of the title page of the Book of Mormon tells us its main purpose is to restore a knowledge of the covenants to the house of Israel. This adds weight to the understanding that the name Mormon was always associated with the place of the restoration of the covenant to the Nephites. In fact, the name Mormon became synonymous with the concept of restoring the covenants. 

In light of this understanding, the Book of Mormon is not named for a man. It is named for the place where the covenant was restored. Symbolically, the Book of Mormon bears the name “Book of the Restoration of the Covenant.” Is it any wonder that God used this book to spearhead the Restoration Movement of the 1820s and 1830s? The purpose of the book is stated on the title page, “that they may know the covenants of the Lord,” is confirmed even in the title.

Isn't that fascinating? So we have The Old Covenant (The Old Testament), The New Covenant (The New Testament), The Book of the Restoration of the Covenant (Book of Mormon) the Doctrine and Covenants, and the Pearl of Great Price.

All of the scriptures point us to our covenants.

The Gift of Dawn

This blog is a space for me to document my passion for and journey with personal growth. Here is an explanation of why this blog is called Lo Dawn.  

When I was trying to come up with a name for this blog, I thought about light.  Personal growth and improvement brings light to my life.  It makes dark things lighter and light things brighter.

I was talking to J about this and asking him for name suggestions that had to do with light.  I threw out a few and one of them had the word dawn in it.  He told me that he thought the name should come from an interesting personal story.  I told him that dawn actually has a lot of personal meaning to me. So he suggested Lo Dawn.  This name has significance and meaning, but also has a playful and not too serious side.  So that's what I decided on.  

A funny thing is that when J and I were first married, we would make up songs to sing to our family members on their birthdays.  Our "band" was called the Lodown.  (Lo for our last name.)  So this blog name reminds me of that. :)

But also, after J suggested the name, I looked up the definition of Lo and this is how it is defined: used to draw attention to an interesting or amazing event.  I like that.  I want to draw attention to dawn.  I have had a lot of dawn moments in my life.  Moments where I felt dark, confused, alone, afraid, etc.  But then something crossed my path (sometimes this took minutes, sometimes years,) and I started to see the light.  I am sure that I will continue to have many more of these illuminating experiences throughout my life.  I was actually writing a journal entry a few minutes ago and happened to write the phrase "it dawned on me."  It's interesting that we use that phrase when we are talking about an enlightening moment and how we were able to see something more clearly.  Dawn.  What an amazing thing dawn is.  What a gift.

Here is a very personal and transformative experience that I had with a figurative dawn...

    

She Will Find What Is Lost by Brian Kershisnik

Take note of the angel babies. :)

Thursday, May 12, 2016

So some people know this about me, and some people don't.  It was something that I was usually not necessarily comfortable broadcasting to everyone because I viewed it as an embarrassing weakness of mine.  For several years, I had a lot of fears around driving.  I don't think that I've ever loved to drive, but I don't remember being too stressed about it when I was in high school.  I did live in a pretty small town and didn't do much freeway driving or anything though.  Anyway, then I went to college and didn't have a car so I didn't drive.  I did drive during the summer after my freshmen year when I was back home in Missouri, but it was just small town driving again.  

When J and I got married, I had access to a car again (which I hadn't had when I was single in college.)  The thing is, it was a stick shift car and I didn't know how to drive it.  So combine not doing much driving over the past few years (and living in a much bigger city than where I grew up) with a car that I didn't know how to drive, and you get a recipe for fear and stress for this risk-averse girl.  J tried to teach me how to drive the car when we were first married.  I practiced here and there but the fear inside of me just kept building more and more over time.  I did some minor driving, but for the most part, J did pretty much all of the driving.  

Then we moved to Iowa.  A couple months after our move, I decided to get more serious about practicing.  I learned how to drive our stick shift car.  I gained more confidence and drove around a lot more than I did when we lived in Utah before our move to Iowa.  It was nice to feel like I was making some progress.  I still didn't love to drive though.  I would do it if I had to, and sometimes (rarely) if I wanted to, but mostly I still just avoided it.  J was still the main driver in our family.  My confidence level would wax and wane over time.  Sometimes it was pretty good.  Sometimes, I felt trapped by my fears and they felt paralyzing.  I know that to some people, this fear/weakness doesn't sound like that big of a deal.  But to me, it was.  I hated feeling "broken" and like I should be comfortable doing this, because "hello!  I'm an adult!  Adults drive!  And it isn't any big deal for them."  I also felt like it held me back from being able to be a better wife, mom, friend, etc.    

Then we moved back to Utah.  I continued to drive a little bit here and there but if certain things were involved like the freeway, questionable weather, higher traffic areas, places I hadn't been to before, etc, I would avoid driving at all costs.  If I were just staying home by myself everyday and didn't have any kids, this wouldn't be that big of a deal.  But having kids often means having a lot of appointments, and needing to buy groceries, and running errands and such.  Over the years of this trial of mine, J had always been super patient with me.  Of course, it was frustrating for him at times because he had to take time out of his busy schedule sometimes to help me drive the kids to appointments and such, but he rarely complained because he knew how hard it was for me.  I often felt really bad though and I didn't like that I was adding extra stress to his load.  

Back in early September of last year, I started getting some strong feelings that it was time for us to have another baby...even though that was earlier than our original plan.  Over the course of just a couple weeks, I went from feeling like we might think about trying for a baby a few months from then, to having a strong impression that it was time.  I was really nervous and we were apprehensive for a few reasons (it didn't make sense financially since we would have to figure out how to save enough money to buy a van, and pay for the birth (which would be quite a bit more expensive than our other kids because our insurance isn't that great.  We also had some other reasons to feel apprehensive, one of those being my driving fears and how the stress of another pregnancy and baby (with all of the involved appointments) would affect our family.) 

I feel like this baby waited patiently for me to be ready (or at least willing) to get pregnant with him/her.  My period returned at 4 months postpartum after E (it didn't come back until 13 ish months with both of the boys, after I had weaned them.) I remember the first thought that I had after my period returned was "oh boy. does this mean that I am going to have another baby sooner this time than our plan?" I put that thought in the back of my mind and didn't think about it much. It would come to the surface every once in a while, but never felt too insistent.  

Then as E got a little bit older, whenever I would think about getting pregnant, I just kept thinking "no way. E isn't even sleeping through the night yet. There is no way that I could be pregnant and also still be able to \;handle getting up with E multiple times a night. Then when E was 10 months old, she slept through the night for the first time in her entire life.  That exact same night, I had a dream that I had another baby (a boy, by the way. We'll see if there is any truth in that in a month.) I remember waking up the next morning and thinking about how that was a crazy coincidence and maybe it meant something. But again, I put it in the back of my mind. I wasn't ready to start thinking seriously about another baby yet.  

Fast forward to about 6 months later when I started feeling a strong push to face my fears and make significant progress with driving (partially so I would be able to handle adding another child to our family (more kids = more appointments and things that require driving) and take some of the load off of J.  

Something (a few things actually) clicked inside me. I started facing my fears with more determination than I had been able to muster in the past. I was able to make more progress, more quickly, with driving than I had ever been able to in the past.  I started to see some light at the end of the tunnel, and within a matter of days of starting this real progress with facing my fear, I started feeling a strong impression that it was time to get pregnant. 

Having this long awaited, and sought after breakthrough in my driving fear helped me to feel a lot more confidence as we faced this decision to have another baby.  I knew that I would have to drive myself to a lot of doctors appointments (and our kids'/new baby's appointments as well,) but for once, I didn't feel a huge burden and stress on my mind and heart about this.  I felt like it was possible and that I could do this.  We still didn't know how everything would work out but we felt like it would all work out somehow... and so far, it has.  In fact, things have worked out much better than we could have ever anticipated.  

So, over the course of this pregnancy (the past 8 months,) I have been able to make significant progress with driving.  It's like a night and day difference.  I have felt a huge decrease in my stress level when I drive (or even think about driving.)  I can now drive myself (and our kids) places (even on the freeway, or to places that I haven't been to before) with a lot more internal peace.  I still wouldn't necessarily say that I love to drive or that I would always choose to be the driver instead of someone else, but I no longer feel paralyzed.  I am much more willing and happy to drive myself (and our kids) to things that we have to go to (appointments, groceries, etc.) and I am also willing and happy to drive us to places that we want to go to.  

So anyway... back to the painting and why it is significant and meaningful to me.  One of the major things that helped me to face this fear head on and make real, lasting progress was that I had been learning more about angels around this time.   I learned about asking Heavenly Father to send them to assist me in my daily life.  I started praying (especially before and during driving) that angels would attend me and they would literally help me to drive with courage and confidence.  I didn't have any profound experiences or anything, but I could feel that angels were truly there helping me.  I could tell because I felt a calmness and peacefulness in the driver's seat that I knew wasn't coming from myself.  I have often thought that Beyonce (R's womb name) was one of those angels and he/she continues to be.  

A few months ago, I saw this painting when someone brought it to Relief Society as part of her lesson.  I think that I had probably seen it sometime before, but it didn't hold the same meaning to me then as it does now so this time it really stuck out to me.  So when Mother's day rolled around, I gave J a strong hint that this was what I wanted.  After opening the painting on Sunday, I noticed that the artist even included a couple of angel babies.  That was special to me since I have felt like Beyonce has been one of those angels that has helped me before and throughout this pregnancy.  

Here is another excerpt from my journal:

Monday, July 25, 2016

Yesterday was R's blessing day. I think that I have always gotten a little bit emotional during each of our kids' blessings, but this is the first one that I remember having real tears falling down my face. It was a really touching blessing. Especially because some of the things that J mentioned were really close to my heart. J blessed her with the strength of an angel to lift others in need. He also blessed her that her light would break forth as the morning. I've mentioned before why the angel part is significant to me. The light of the morning part is significant because R's name means "Dawn." A couple weeks ago, I was thinking about how fitting that name meaning is for R since I feel like she was one of my angels that was helping me to overcome my driving fears. It's like she was the light at the end of the tunnel of darkness. She was the dawn after a dark night. She was the dawn of a brighter day.

*For more about my driving story and angelic assistance, you can read my talk that I gave in Sacrament Meeting in March 2017.