A House of Learning: Disciplining with Teach My Gospel Worksheets

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Disciplining kids is tricky business. We have tried several approaches in the past (rewards, taking away money, taking away privileges for long periods of time, taking away toys, time outs, extra jobs, etc.) These approaches seem to work for a little while, but they quickly stop being effective, and usually just result in a lot of contention in our house. And on top of that, even if I feel justified in enforcing these punishments in the heat of the moment, but I often end up feeling bad about it later. I often feel a sense of guilt and regret my overreaction, and being too hard on my kids. Does anyone else feel this way? 

I am coming to realize the reason why these kinds of punishments make me feel this way. I think that I feel bad about them after the fact (and sometimes even in the heat of the moment,) because they are just punishments. They don't actually teach my kids anything. On the surface, it appears that they are learning, but really I think they are just stopping that bad behavior in the moment, out of fear, and not out of true understanding. 

Then we end up with a couple of possible scenarios. Maybe the bad behavior is minimized. And we think that's great! Parenting success! But this success is short lived.  And is it really a success if the motivation behind it is that they are just afraid of the punishment? Is that what I really want to instill in my children?  Is that really healthy for their overall (especially spiritual, mental, and emotional) development? 

Another option is that the bad behavior just continues, or even gets worse, because they don't really understand the reason why they should be changing.  And then we are all just left feeling frustrated and defeated.  

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Well, we're changing things up around here.  We're trying to base discipline more in teaching discipleship and less in enforcing unproductive punishments. We're working towards turning our home into a house of learning.  

"And as all have not faith, seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yea, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith. Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God;" (Doctrine and Covenants 88:118-119)

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Recently (about 6 weeks ago), J and I started experimenting with a new discipline/teaching strategy with our kids. This has applied mostly to our boys (ages 7 and 5) so far since the girls are a bit too young still. We are still working on figuring out some strategies to use with E (our 3 year old) that are better for her age.

This method/approach is based on a quote by Boyd K. Packer that says: 

"True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior. That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the gospel."

I have heard that quote several times before, but when I heard it again a couple months ago, it clicked more than it ever had before.  And it inspired me to change some things.  So we've been transitioning from our typical punishments (that I listed off), to teaching gospel doctrine to our kids so that they understand and improve their behavior because of that understanding. 

Like I mentioned, we started this discipline/teaching strategy about 6 weeks ago, but over the past couple weeks we have been tweaking it and refining it and I feel like we have come to a good, well rounded place with it.  I'm sure that we will continue to tweak and refine it even more over time.  

As part of this teaching of doctrine, we have been having our two oldest kids write scripture verses to help them learn some of the doctrine that would help them to improve certain behaviors. For the most part, this has been going pretty well.

We would assign them to write the verse a specified amount of times and then they could have their privileges (pretty much all free time activities like reading, screen time, playing with toys, etc.) back.

We would have them teach us about the verse(s) and what it means, during Family Home Evening.

This is all based off of that quote by Boyd K. Packer, and also based on this scripture verse... 

"And now, as the preaching of the word had a great tendency to lead the people to do that which was just—yea, it had had more powerful effect upon the minds of the people than the sword, or anything else, which had happened unto them—therefore Alma thought it was expedient that they should try the virtue of the word of God." (Alma 31:5)

There is virtue and power in the word of God.  

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Well, last week the boys were fighting so I told them that they must not have understood the scripture that they wrote about kindness so they would have to write it again.

A light bulb came on in my mind and I decided to modify our technique a bit. After writing the scripture for the specified amount of times, they would have to come show me that they completed it. Then they would have to recite the verse from memory as best as they could. After that, they would have to write down what the scripture means / what we are trying to teach them. And then they would have to go do something that demonstrates what they are learning.   

I added on these extra steps (beyond just writing the scripture a few times) because when the boys tell me about what they learned from the scripture/what it is trying to teach them, it is a good opportunity to see how well they are understanding it, or if I need to explain it in a different or deeper way.  

I also feel like understanding comes from knowing something intellectually, and also by tasting of the fruits of the action. When we put gospel principles into action and practice, we see the fruits (at the beginning, but especially over time). We feel the fruits of the spirit (peace, love, joy) and over time that solidifies our understanding of the gospel principle and motivates us to want to continue to practice it.

I feel like we often start with the "doing" of something, or commanding our kids to do something, but without a knowledge or understanding of the principle to back it up, it's easy to fall into a trap of apathy, or even rebellion. I feel like you need that combination of understanding the importance of the principle, but also of putting it into action. You can't have one without the other or else it won't be sustainable. It's the whole faith and works combination. 

I really like this quote by Robert D. Hales that explains how to get understanding...

“First, we start with the intelligence with which we were born. To our intelligence we add knowledge as we search for answers, study, and educate ourselves. To our knowledge we add experience, which should lead us to a level of wisdom. In addition to our wisdom, we add the help of the Holy Ghost through our prayers of faith, asking for spiritual guidance and strength. Then, and only then, do we reach an understanding in our hearts—which motivates us to ‘do what is right; let the consequence follow.’ (Hymns, 1985, no. 237.) The feelings of an understanding heart give us the sweet spirit of assurance of not only knowing but doing what is right no matter what the circumstances. The understanding in our hearts comes from a close interdependence of study and prayer.” 

So that evening, when I was showing J the papers that the boys had written their scripture on and then written what it meant and the action that they decided to do to put that scripture into practice, he got really excited and said that he had an idea. Haha.

His idea was for us to make worksheets.  And then he came up with the idea to put our worksheets on a website that he would build.  That way we could share them with other parents if they are interested. 

So that's what we did. :)  If any one else is interested in trying out this discipline/teaching strategy then you can go to the website that J built, teachmygospelworksheets.com,  choose from a few different gospel principles, and then download the specific worksheet and print it off.  :)

Now I want to explain more about my vision, perspective, and mindset with this whole teaching method.  I really feel strongly that it needs to be a well rounded approach in order for it to be successful.  So that is what I have been thinking a lot about and working on creating.  

My vision involves 3 main parts: Teach My Gospel Worksheets, Caught Being Good Charts, and Learning and Growing Together.  

I've already talked about the worksheets, so now I'll talk about the other two parts...

Caught Being Good Charts

Here is that quote by Boyd K. Packer again...

"True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. 

Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior. That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the gospel."  

There are two parts to this quote.  We are applying the first part with our worksheets (teaching doctrine and helping our kids to understand it.) The second part, about not being preoccupied with unworthy behavior, is what the Caught Being Good Charts will help us to accomplish.  

As I have been discovering through my "5 good things" experiment, focusing on good behavior increases good behavior. And the same is true with bad behavior. Focusing on bad behavior increases bad behavior.

I want to be intentional, especially in this new discipline strategy, that I not focus too much on the bad behavior. 

The idea that I came up with to accomplish this goal is "caught being good" charts. There are 8 boxes on the paper that are labeled Obedience, Honesty, Reverence, Respect, Patience, Kindness, Gratitude, and Work. These are the same gospel principles that the worksheets focus on.  When I catch the kids being/doing good, I vocalize my observation, praise them, and then instruct them to put a tally mark in the specific box (sometimes more than one) on their chart that corresponds with their positive behavior. 

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I am not offering any external rewards (candy, toys, money, etc.) or anything for having a certain number of tally marks.  I want the reward to be the internal joy that comes from doing and being good.

I am intentionally not being stingy with my acknowledgment and praise.  Not at this point at least.  I have been trying to acknowledge and praise the kids for the little things, the big things, and pretty much everything in between.  I know that this over the top praise won't (and maybe shouldn't) last forever. Eventually they will do and be good, even without needing as much praise and acknowledgement.  But we are in the "training wheels" phase.  And it is also really good for me, in this phase, to train myself to see the good and to express appreciation for those good things. Especially since this is an area that I have been wanting to turn into a personal strength for a while now anyway.

So far, this caught being good chart has been really successful, especially with my 5 year old, and my 7 year old and 3 year old are catching the vision more and more everyday.       

Learning and Growing Together

The third part that I want to talk about is learning and growing together.  

Something that I am realizing more and more throughout this process, especially in the past couple weeks, is that as parents, we shouldn't dominate over our kids. Yes, we have a responsibility to take care of them, but that doesn't give us a license to be domineering.  We are stewards over them.  

Here on earth, we are older, and sometimes wiser, than our kids. But in the big picture, we very well could be younger, spiritually, than they are, or even the same age. And even if we are older, spiritually, it doesn't really matter. In the eyes of God, we are all equal. We are all on the same level. We are all His children.

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As parents, we have more earthly experience than our kids do and we need to use that experience to teach them and help them succeed.

At the same time though, we have been told throughout the scriptures that we are to become like little children.

"For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father." (Mosiah 3:19)

"Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me. But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea." (Matthew 18:3-6)

"And when he had said these words, he wept, and the multitude bare record of it, and he took their little children, one by one, and blessed them, and prayed unto the Father for them. And he spake unto the multitude, and said unto them: Behold your little ones." (3 Nephi 17:21, 23)

So even though, as parents, we are responsible for teaching our children, we can learn a lot from our kids as well. In fact, becoming like little children is vital to our salvation. So we should really be maximizing this time that we have with our kids when they are little. We should be anxiously trying to learn all that we can from them about how to become a little child.

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We're all on the same team, working towards the same goal. We are all climbing the same staircase, back to our heavenly home.  We are all trying to make it back to Heavenly Father's presence. And we all need each other.

As I have been thinking about all of this, I have come to realize that ideally, I want our family to feel like a team. I want us to feel like we are all working together towards the same goal and that none of us is better than anyone else (including us as parents...we aren't better or more important than our kids.) I want our kids to see me and J learning and gaining understanding and working towards goals, just like they are learning and gaining understanding and working towards goals.

Part of my plan for this is that I had the idea to make worksheets for myself (and J), along with the worksheets for the kids. I definitely have a lot to learn and understand more deeply just like they do. I want them to see me working on this goal right along side them.

I'm willing to admit that a lot of my parent/child issues come down to (or at least are escalated by) my own lack of true understanding of gospel principles - as evidenced by my own bad behavior.  Examples of this include talking to my children in disrespectful (usually condescending and upset) words/tones; having my own interests in mind and disregarding theirs;  not being patient; etc.

I have already assigned myself, and completed, a few worksheets (Respect and Behold Your Little Ones) over the past few days and they have not only helped to change my perspective and my heart, but they have also helped my relationship with my kids, in that they have witnessed me working on the goal of doctrinal understanding (to improve behavior), just like they are.  This helps to build unity in our family.  We're all putting in the work individually to become better, and we're doing it together as a team.

Let me be clear.  This parenting method is not easy.  It requires work.  It requires time - time to teach the gospel principles, as often as needed, time and intentionality with noticing and acknowledging good behavior.  It also requires a lot of humility on my part.  It takes humility to admit when I am wrong and when I need to do a worksheet.  But I personally feel that this work, and time, and humility are worth the rewards.      

During Family Home Evening a couple nights ago, I gave the lesson.  First, I read this quote...

"We do not preach the gospel of fear. We do not seek to terrorize the souls of men. We do not ask a man to be righteous because of the terrors of the damned. We do not want you to be good because you fear the punishment of the wicked. We do not want you to do right because of the penalty that attaches to the doing of wrong. We want you to choose the right because it is right, and because your heart loves the right, and because it is choice above everything else. We want you to be honest, not merely because it is the best policy, but because in so doing you honor God and you carry out His purposes in your lives; for “an honest man,” it is an old, and perhaps a hackneyed, saying—“is the noblest work of God.” We want to be honest because we love God, and we cannot be the Saints of God [unless] we are. We should be good because we love to be good, and not because we fear the consequences of evil.

The Lord does not accept obedience from men except that which they render cheerfully and gladly in their hearts, and that is all that is desired by his servants. That is the obedience we ought to render, and if we do not we are under condemnation." (TEACHINGS: JOSEPH F. SMITH CHAPTER 32: LIBERTY THROUGH OBEDIENCE)

We talked about how our goal is to obey the commandments, and learn these doctrines of the gospel not because we fear punishment of the wicked, but because they are right and our hearts love the right and we have a genuine desire to do good.  I hope to continue to work towards this mindset individually, and as a family. 

After discussing this quote, I shared my thoughts about us being more intentional with being a team and working together as members of our family to help one another learn and grow and become more like Jesus Christ.  I shared a couple of quotes that I ran across recently and really loved. 

 *print found here

  

*print found here

We read these quotes and talked about how we can better apply them in our family.  We can lift each other and ascend the staircase to heaven together and we can walk each other home.  

For our closing song, we sang I am a Child of God.  The verses in this song come from the perspective of a child to the parents, but as we were singing, I decided that it would be neat to write my own verse that comes from the perspective of the parent to the child.  So that's what I did.  I inserted it between the first and second verses.      

1. I am a child of God,
And he has sent me here,
Has given me an earthly home
With parents kind and dear.

Lead me, guide me, walk beside me,
Help me find the way.
Teach me all that I must do
To live with him someday.


I am a child of God,
He's sent me little ones
He wants me to become like them
They'll lead me to His Son.

Lead me, guide me, walk beside me,
Help me find the way.
Teach me all that I must do
To live with him someday.


2. I am a child of God,
And so my needs are great;
Help me to understand his words
Before it grows too late.

Lead me, guide me, walk beside me,
Help me find the way.
Teach me all that I must do
To live with him someday.

Photo by Sabine van Straaten on Unsplash

This post is already super long, so I will save some of the success stories that we have experienced so far with this new teaching method for another post.

Here's that link again if you want to check out our worksheets:  teachmygospelworksheets.com 

What You Water, Grows

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A few weeks ago, I gave myself a challenge.  Here is what I wrote in my journal...

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

During my prayer this morning, I discussed with Heavenly Father about a weakness of mine that I want to turn into a strength. I put too much focus on my kids' negative behavior and not enough focus on their positive behavior. And even though it seems like paying attention to their negative behavior and pointing it out to them over and over again would be beneficial and help them to stop that behavior and change, the opposite is actually true. What I put my attention on grows and magnifies. So when I put my attention on their bad behavior it grows and magnifies. One, because "the eye sees what the mind looks for" so I just notice their bad behavior more. And two, for some reason (probably multiple reasons,) the kids' bad behavior increases the more I point it out. It probably goes back to their thoughts (maybe subconsciously). The more I point out their bad behavior, the more they feel like failures and when we feel like a failure we don't act our best... which then produces more bad behavior. It's a vicious cycle. 

So this is kind of like a garden. The seed (of negative behavior) has already been planted and the plant has already grown. It's a big giant weed.  But I can stop giving it attention. I can stop watering it. I can stop giving it light. I can give that water and light and attention to another seed/plant that has been more neglected - positive behavior. 

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So during my prayer, I was asking Heavenly Father to help me come up with a way to actually be intentional about this so I don't just fall into the same old trap over and over again...which I'm sure I'll still fall into because I'm so practiced and good at that, but I'll improve a little at a time. The idea that came to mind is to give myself a challenge for 1 week. I set a reminder in my phone to go off every hour throughout the day. This reminder says "point out 5 good things." So every hour (between 8 am and 8 pm, with a break in the afternoon during nap time) when my reminder goes off I am going to vocally point out 5 good things (total, not for each kid) that the kids have done in that last hour. I think that this will help me to focus more on the good and to actually notice it. And I also think that saying these things out loud will help the kids to see me focusing on the good things that they are doing. 

So we'll see how this goes.

So I'm here to report and record how this little experiment/challenge went.  After the initial challenge of the first week, I liked the results so I extended the challenge to the next week.  And then the next.  I'm on my 4th week now and here is what I have been learning...

First, I definitely haven't done a perfect job.  There have been times when my reminder would go off and I didn't notice it.  There have a few times when my reminder went off and I just ignored it.  And there have also been times when I have been just flat out grumpy and haven't even attempted.  But all in all, I would say that have I "responded to the call" and done the challenge 75% of the time over the past few weeks.  And I've gotten some really good results.

   Photo by Kaufmann Mercantile on Unsplash

I've really noticed that since I know that I will be reporting 5 things every hour (or most hours), I have been more conscious of looking for the good things that my kids do.

Often when I report the 5 things to my kids (without explicitly telling them about my self-imposed challenge), their faces light up and they look pleased with themselves.  

I have seen more good behavior.  Maybe because I am looking for it.  Maybe because it really has been increasing.  Probably a combination of both.

When am consciously looking for the good and then vocalizing those things to my kids, I have felt happier.

I have noticed that I feel more love for my kids.  I know, I know.  As their mother, I should always feel loving towards them, right?  Well, I'll be honest.  I don't.  I allow my grumpiness to get in the way (sometimes more than others) and I don't always feel loving towards them.  But this experiment has really helped me to see them more clearly - still not all the time - but more than before.  And seeing them more clearly has helped me to feel more of God's love for them.  

I have also  noticed that the times that I am grumpy and haven't attempt to fulfill the challenge, and instead lectured the kids about their bad behavior, that their bad behavior increases.  My grumpiness increases as well.
         

When I noticed that I was doing this the other day, I stopped, and decided that if I wanted a different result then I needed to change.  I decided that if I wanted to turn my bad mood around, I needed to start focusing on the good.  Even though I wasn't feeling positive in the moment, I forced myself to tell the kids 5 good things that they had done recently.  That subtle shift in mindset helped to change my attitude and the rest of the day went much smoother.

So something that I am learning from this is that I only have so much water (time, attention, words, etc.)  I can water the weeds or I can water the flowers.  But whatever I choose to water, grows.

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True Confidence and How Knowing that I am a Child of God Changes Everything

I am a child of God.  In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints this phrase is said and heard so frequently. It's even the title of one of the first songs that we ever hear as a child, or as a new convert to the church.

  

These words are so commonplace in our vocabulary and I think that we are so used to hearing them that we don't really let the words and meaning truly sink in.  You know when you hear something so often that you begin to not really even hear it at all?  Like really hear it? It just goes in one ear and out the other.  

I feel like this has been the case for me, and maybe for some of you, with these basic, but foundational and vital 6 words.  I am a child of God.  

I have been coming to realize that even though I've been taught this important truth my whole life, I haven't really internalized it all the way.  I always thought that I believed and knew this fundamental doctrine, but I am realizing that I have only scratched the surface.  And in my new found quest to dive deeper into the gospel of Jesus Christ and claim more of my privileges, I have been finding myself with a greater desire to go deeper into this doctrine.   

I am realizing that internalizing these 6 words, and really coming to know, at my core, without a doubt, that this statement is true, can make all the difference.  It can make all the difference in my relationship with Heavenly Father.  And it can make all the difference in my relationships with my fellow beings - my fellow brothers and sisters, Heavenly Father's other children. And those relationships make all the difference in my life.

First, I want to talk about how knowing that I am a child of God influences my relationship with Heavenly Father...               

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

  

I was reading in the bible dictionary the other day about prayer.  Prayer is something that I have always struggled with.  I have always said my prayers, but I often feel like they lack sincerity and deep, genuine connection with my Heavenly Father.  In the bible dictionary it says,  

"As soon as we learn the true relationship in which we stand toward God (namely, God is our Father, and we are His children), then at once prayer becomes natural and instinctive on our part (Matt. 7:7–11). Many of the so-called difficulties about prayer arise from forgetting this relationship."

Ah ha.  I think that this is my problem.  I guess I haven't truly internalized the true relationship in which I stand toward God - that He is my Father and I am His child.  If I really, truly understood this then prayer would become natural and instinctive on my part.  The difficulties that I have with prayer arise from forgetting this relationship with Heavenly Father.

Developing the ability to have a true connection with Heavenly Father (remembering the connection that I had with Him before birth) through prayer is vital to successfully completing my journey back to His presence so developing a true and deep understanding that I am a child of God is really important and necessary.    

Next I want to talk about how knowing that I am a child of God influences my relationship with the people around me...

Something that I have been focusing on more lately (as evidenced by my last post) is confidence. True confidence.  Jody does a class every month that is dedicated to a specific topic and April's class was about confidence.  I recently went back and watched that class again and I learned so much.  I have been gathering the pieces of wisdom that I learned from that class with other things that I have been learning from Jody (and other sources like Wife for Life, etc.) over the past few months and I'd like to write about some of those here...

Jody talks about how pride, shame, and confidence are all on a spectrum.  

   |_________________________________________|____________________________________________|

Shame                                                            Confidence                                                                  Pride

Photo by Ezra Jeffrey on Unsplash

On the left we have shame.  It's easy to see that these people do not have self-confidence and it's easy to see that they are operating out of fear.  They fear that there is not enough love to go around and that they feel that they got the short end of the stick.  They have a scarcity mindset.  

These are people who can see the value in other people but can't see it in themselves.  They feel flawed, worthless or less worthy than others, they have thoughts like "I have nothing to offer;" "I'm not good enough;" "He/She is better than me;" "What's wrong with me?"  You would think that it would be easier to be friends with someone that is on the shame side of the spectrum (as opposed to the pride side) because even though they don't like themselves, they still like us.  But when people love others (or at least see their value) but don't love themselves, we don't really like that, necessarily.  Jody says that it feels kind of needy/creepy like "hey.  I really like you.  Can you help me feel better about myself?"  It also often feels like you are walking on egg shells all the time in interactions with this type of person.  Shame draws us away from other people because when we interact with others (or certain people in particular) we feel even worse about ourselves so we try to avoid that.  

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On the right we have pride.  It's harder to detect a lack of self-confidence in these people.  We often assume that they are confident.  But in reality they do not possess true confidence.  They are still operating out of fear.  Pride is fear based because you have to maintain your position at the top.  If you think that you are on top, then that means there is a top.  And if there is a top then there is also a bottom (and all that is in between.)  You have to work harder and harder to maintain your position at the top because you fear falling below.  You also fear that there is not enough love to go around.  You have a scarcity mindset.

These are people who can see the value in themselves, but can't see it in others.  They feel (or at least come across) as arrogant, vain, cocky, haughty, etc.  They have thoughts like "I'm better than you;" "My ideas are better than yours;" "My way of doing things is better than yours;" "My needs are more important than yours;" "My personal journey/path is better or important than yours"  

It's easy to see why we don't enjoy being around people who are on the pride side of the spectrum.  They like themselves, but don't like others (or at least don't like us.)  It's not enjoyable to be around them and often triggers our own shame feelings.

Pride draws us away from other people because people don't really want to be around us.  And we aren't really interested in getting to know others at a deeper level because we might find out their strengths and then we might lose our place at the top.  

We all fluctuate up and down on this spectrum.  At certain times in our lives, or in certain circumstances we may be more prone to be more on the shame side or the pride side of the spectrum. But the goal is to get ourselves to the middle. 

 Photo by Bart LaRue on Unsplash

Right in the middle of the spectrum is confidence.  True confidence.  People who possess true confidence love themselves and they love others.  They know that each of us have individual worth. They understand their divine nature- that they are a child of God, and every other person possesses this divine nature as well.  They have thoughts like "I am inherently valuable and amazing. And so is everyone else;" "I am a child of God. And so is everyone else;" "I have been blessed with many amazing and wonderful strengths and abilities as gifts from my Heavenly Father. And so has everyone else. Our strengths may be different, but they are equally amazing;" "I am not better than anyone else. And no one is better than me either;" ""I'm good, I got me." and "Hey, oh my goodness, I love you. Tell me about you.""

Jody says that when you love you, and then you love others as well, that makes you pretty irresistible. We like to be around people who are confident, people who are comfortable in their own skin, and who love us.  

True confidence also reduces contention significantly.  I don't know about you but 99.9% of relationship conflicts that I have had in my life can be boiled down to a lack of confidence...usually on my part. I would bet it is the same for you in your life.  Conflict becomes a lot more painful when we take it personally and make things mean something negative about our worth.

But the truth is, nothing that you do can or will ever change your worth. No one else's opinion of you can change your worth either. Your worth won't ever decrease in the eyes of God. It won't ever increase either. We are of infinite worth. Solely because we are God's children.

People who are truly confident have an abundant mindset.  They know that there is more than enough love in the world to go around.  There is infinite love.  No one has to compete.

True confidence draws us to each other and we have a deep desire to foster relationships with our fellow brothers and sisters.     

If both shame and pride are fear based, then what is true confidence based in? I think that it is based in faith, hope and charity.  And I think that those are based in deeply knowing the truthfulness of the 6 words, I am a child of God.  If we really know that we are children of God, then we will find evidence of that belief in our feelings, actions, and results.   

So the most basic truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ seems to be, to me at least, the key to all relationships.  The key to my relationship with Heavenly Father (and how vital that is to my eternal progress.)  And the key to all of my relationships - with my husband, with my kids, with my parents, with my siblings, with my extended family, with friends, with neighbors, with strangers, with the world.  

My question for you is, how have you come to know the truthfulness of the statement, I am a child of God, for yourself?  And how has that knowledge changed you and your relationships? 

I will continue my quest to deepen my testimony and understanding of this basic and vital doctrine and I'm sure I'll share what I discover along the way.  :) 

“There was a period when we, with Jesus and others, basked in the light of the presence of God and enjoyed His smiles. We are the children of God, and as His children there is no attribute we ascribe to Him that we do not possess, though they may be dormant or in embryo. The mission of the Gospel is to develop these powers and make us like our Heavenly Parent.” (George Q. Cannon)